Monday, January 6, 2014

Authenticity in Blogland.....How Real Can We Be? Part 1











Funny thing how timing works sometimes.  I've had this post on my mind for at least a month, and now that I'm ready to post it, it is right on the heels of something that is going on in my life that I've struggled with how to share here.

Before I do that, though, I'd like to delve a bit into what it means to be authentic.  Being authentic means being our 'real' selves, which includes our values, opinions, and convictions, the essence of who we are.  In real life, depending on the nature of the relationships we have, people know our names, history, experiences, beliefs, etc.  It goes without saying that the closer we are to someone and to the degree with which we are willing to share personal information with them, the more they will know about us and vice versa.  We make the choice of what to share with whom based on a variety of factors.

Here in Blogland, it's different, naturally, by virtue of the anonymity we have chosen to adopt, given the personal and sensitive nature of TTWD.  People can have a hard enough time being authentic in real life, let alone on the blogs.  Here we are anonymous, so we might think it's safe to say anything because no one knows who we really are.  Yet we are real people in real life relationships and marriages, and the essence of who we are comes through if we are being honest with ourselves and others.  So even though you have no idea who my husband J is, for instance, it is important to me that I portray him accurately and that you know how much I love and respect him.  

We need to exercise good judgment, use discretion, and carefully guard our identities, yet still find a way to adequately express our thoughts, feelings, and experiences.  A delicate balance and challenge, at that.  Some bloggers may share more details than others about certain experiences, and that's fine.  Others may choose to leave personal details out while still being able to convey the gist of the situation and, most importantly, the lesson(s) learned.  It's up to each of us to decide how much information we wish to divulge.  

Many of us have found it hard to share the mistakes we and/or our HOH's have made.  At times I've felt hindered by the fact that you don't know me...that you only know a part of me here.  You can't hear the inflection/tone in my voice, see the expression on my face, or see the way I am with my family and friends....so I've worried that in the absence of that, wrong assumptions or judgments could be made.    We feel badly when we mess up, do things we shouldn't do, disobey or disrespect our husbands, and worse......hurt them.  It's uncomfortable for us to talk about, but if we don't, how will we learn and grow?

If we share only the good and not the bad and the ugly, we rob ourselves of the opportunity to let others support, encourage, and help us.  We also rob others of the opportunity to be of help to us. It's much easier to be on the giving end than the receiving end, isn't it?  It requires humility and vulnerability, which often takes us out of our comfort zone.  

I can't tell you how blessed I've been when I've come across some posts where the bloggers have been brave enough to take the risk of sharing their struggles and the outpouring of understanding, support, and encouragement they receive.  It makes me less afraid to venture out of my comfort zone when I need to share my own struggles.

If we're willing to take the risk of being real about our situations, thoughts, and emotions, we, too, can know the blessing of being accepted, understood, and encouraged.  We'll learn that we're not alone.  We'll learn how helpful it is to hear others' perspectives.

And we'll realize that we are all works in progress, every one of us.



















11 comments:

  1. It is difficult to decide what to share or not to share. I write a post about this or that and I wonder if one of my friends will read it and realize it's me... but then I think well if they do, they were here looking in the first place so maybe they need DD too. I also worry if I tell how naughty I have been someone will think less of me... while on the other hand I worry if I am really good people will think I am bragging or lose interest in the blog because they wanted to read about spankings. Then I remind myself (and others remind me too) that the blog isn't for them, it's for me. It's what I go through and what I chose to share. It's my real life though even if it's only bits and pieces. The names may be changed but the content is real. Do what feels right for you Sadie and we will follow along happy to learn more of who you are one bit at a time.

    love
    sara

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    1. Ditto, Sara, I've thought all those things. In my case, I've been most concerned about the possibility of one of my four adult children figuring it out, and then I think.........I'm 55 years old, they're all adults........if they're looking at these blogs, there's some interest there (like you said), and, if they did find out.....oh well......."Yes, your stepdad spanks me, and I'm very happy. Happiest I've ever been (they can all see that for themselves!), and we are both very happy in our marriage......deal with it! LOL (Which is not to say, of course, that it wouldn't be embarrassing, but alas, it won't kill us).

      I think the reminders that these blogs are for us, first and foremost, are important -- helps keep it in perspective.

      One day at a time, one bit at a time........and on we go :)

      Love,
      Sadie

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  2. I couldn't agree more! We have to realise that there are people who read our blogs who are too nervous to come out and identify themselves, but who benefit by the advice and support they can glean from these pages. It's quite a responsibility for us.

    Personally, I couldn't do without this community and have made many wonderful friends here who I am able to not only identify with, but to trust.

    Many hugs
    Ami

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    1. Good point, Ami. Don't you just wish that those who might be too nervous to comment would leave an anonymous comment? I would love the opportunity to welcome them and thank them for leaving a comment. I think I may have unwittingly scared a couple of anonymous commentors on my blog by asking them if they might consider placing an initial at the end of their comment, so I could distinguish them from other anonymous commentors. I wasn't trying to out them, but I think I may have scared them away :(

      Note to future anonymous commentors: I promise not to ask you to identify yourself, even with a single letter initial.

      Many hugs right back atcha, Ami,
      Sadie

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  3. excited to see what's to come...
    hugs,
    m.

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    1. Thank you, Maryanne, it's so nice to see you!

      Hugs,
      Sadie

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  4. Hello!

    I just had a similar conversation with my Mom about how so many people have taken to sending text messages instead of calling and how hard it is sometimes to accurately depict their meaning... I have one sister in law that I have struggled to get along with and sometime I take her texts totally wrong. But that is because I can't see her face or hear her voice to see she is not being unkind but sassy.

    I also worry when I am blogging that I leave my husband in a bad light because everyone is only getting my side of the story too. But he reads my blogs and it helps him to read what I am feeling and how I am seeing things, so he has told me not to think about that...but I still do. I want to protect him, even if no one really knows who he is. Fun stuff right! :0)

    Happy New Year!!!
    Irish Lucky

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    1. Fun stuff, indeed, Irish Lucky! I think it's safe to say we are among a majority of mature women (and some men, too -- Hello, George! (if you're reading) who understand just how challenging and difficult TTWD can be from firsthand experience. I think we (and I'm really talking to myself here) would do well to remember that we are in the company of those who listen without judgment and offer their understanding, support, and encouragement.

      On the texting thing......OMGosh, absolutely. I think it's even harder to decipher true meaning and emotion in text messaging than in other forms of the written word.

      It's really great that your husband reads your blogs to help him understand how you are feeling and that he tells you not to think about the other. Sounds like you have a wonderful man, there!

      Happy New Year to you, too!!!
      Sadie

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  5. I agree with sara's thoughts. I have been worried that someone will find me here, but if they do then maybe it will open some conversation, they may need some guidence. Would still be embarrassing for me since I am still working through some of the newness issues. I started my blog more for me to have a way to put my thoughts down as I go on this journey. What I have discovered is some very thoughtful comments that have provided support and feedback when Ineeded it most. If you are not being honest, you hurt yourself in the long run.

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    1. I couldn't agree more, Catherine. We would, indeed, hurt ourselves if we weren't honest. Interesting you should say that if someone were to find out, it might open some conversation and they may need some guidance. My sister's marriage is not in good shape. She is the one who wears the pants in the family, and her husband is quite passive. She's also very critical of not only him, but her son, extended family members, and, well.......people in general. She's hurt her family so much, and my heart breaks for all of them.

      There are times I wish I could make them aware of TTWD, but I don't think they'd go for it. Even if my BIL were willing to try, I don't believe she's anywhere near the place of being open to it. I've found myself wishing that I could somehow anonymously send them info.....websites....but, then I don't want her to stumble upon my blog! Oh well. Maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

      Hey.........maybe YOU'D consider sending her some info? LOL.....just kidding :-P

      Hugs,
      Sadie

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