The Flip Side
I think it's important to address another aspect of being authentic in Blogland. As with real life, any time we share our authentic selves with others, we open ourselves up to possible criticism. We understand that this is the risk we take. This criticism can result from being misunderstood or judged. Sometimes we are criticized by folks who are jealous. It can come from a variety of reasons, but come, it does, at one time or another.
So far, I've been fortunate and have not received any negative comments here. Of course, I only just started two months ago, so I realize the possibility is out there. And, as I shared in my last post, and from the comments I received, the more genuine and transparent we choose to be, the greater the risk of being criticized.
I'll be the first to admit that I'm not all that good when it comes to criticism. Let's face it, it doesn't feel good. It hurts. Yet, I've been encouraged and inspired by what I read here by others who have dealt with this. What I've come away with is that the benefits from being authentic here far outweigh the risks.
I'd love to know what you all think. Have you experienced criticism, and, if so, how have you handled it?
The next post on this topic will be the last, and the one in which I share a bit of what J and I have been dealing with here at home. I will be as authentic as possible while exercising discretion and discernment so as not to compromise our family's identity, for obvious reasons. A tricky thing sometimes, and definitely a delicate balance to strike.
The subject matter of spankings be it for love making, or punishment comes in a variety of ways. That is why they have menu's in eating places, so you can choose, how you wish to indulge in your food. As you well know, 'spanko's can choose a variety of ways to spank someone, be it implement wise. position wise, clothing wise, light, or severe wise. I believe the most important thing for you is to CONTINUE your FINE BLOG. And hopefully you will.
ReplyDeleteI'm not considering discontinuing my blog at all, just gaining perspective through others' experiences.
DeleteHi Sadie, I too am relatively new to blogging having been around since May. So far no negative comments or criticism. However, IRL I have experienced negative comments.
ReplyDeleteI discovered the best way for me to deal with criticism is first evaluate the source. If it is from a person who is only able to make themselves look good by trying to make others look bad, then I ignore them and let it go.
If however, it is from someone I respect, I take it to heart and know it is meant not as a putdown, but as a constructive critique. I once had a boss who told me to stop feeling sorry for myself and go do my job! Best advice I ever received!
Here in blogland we don't always know the commenter and that makes it hard to correctly determine the intent of the comment, although I think most of the time we can figure it out!
You have a lot of friends in this community and from what I have seen, they will stand up for you and watch your back, so you are not alone and that is re-assuring.
Last I will just add that you cannot please everyone. Someone once told me if you gave everyone a gift off a thousand dollars, somebody would complain that it was all in 20's!
So share what you are comfortable sharing and don't take anything too terribly serious. After all, you know who and what you are, and that is all that really matters!
Hugs and Blessings,
George
Great pearls of wisdom, George. Thank you for sharing them. I've felt the things you describe IRL when receiving criticism. This is excellent to keep in mind :)
DeleteHugs,
Sadie
Well October 2013 marked the one year blogging mark for me. Not ONE troll comment. Negative comments? Sure I suppose. Looking back at some of them, I think where my mind and heart were at the time made their comments seem a whole lot more hurtful than they should have been.
ReplyDeleteGeorge is right, you basically have to consider the source. They can only comment on what they have interpreted in your writing, and how they see things through their own experiences. I am fairly certain some of the 'hurtful' commentators would be very distraught to think that I was hurt by their words if they knew.
He is also right about having your back. Don't hide your troll comments...LET US AT THEM! ( I mean assuming you ever get one)
love willie
I'm late in saying this, Willie, but Happy 1st Blogiversary!!! You're right about the state of our minds and hearts directly affecting how we receive criticism.
DeleteYEAH, THAT'S RIGHT -- I have friends here -- just try being mean to me -- I'll sick Willie on ya!!! LOL
Love you, Willie!
Sadie
I've gotten a good deal of negative comments. I think the longer you blog, and more readers you get and the more of a chance of negative feedback. I had to put my comments on "moderate," which I don't like to do, but the risk of negative comments wasn't worth it.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I think all things considered I've gotten less negative feedback than I anticipated when blogging. Most feedback is so positive!
But it has made me pull back at times. Now I find myself shying away from sharing serious consequences. I find that although most in blogland understand DD, many don't understand a fairly intense dynamic, and Jason and I have a fairly intense dynamic. So whenever it's a more hardcore D/S experience, I hesitate in posting.
It's hard being authentic. To be authentic, you have to share the good with the bad. I try hard to show that it isn't all perfect here, and we have our downs...but when I share those downs, it makes what already hurts hurt even worse... and sometimes I question...is it worth feeling this hurt again, just to give readers an authentic view into D/S? I do it anyway, but it isn't always easy.
A very thought-provoking comment, JGirl, just like your posts!
DeleteI think part of the fear/concern of sharing certain things is that we are limited in the written word, no matter how well written we are. We don't know if we will adequately convey a situation and/or portray ourselves and our HOH's the way we really are. We do our best, but we know it's always possible some will misunderstand, misinterpret, and misconstrue.
From what I've read here in Blogland, that is definitely the minority. I'm so glad to be in the company of yourself and many other wonderful bloggers :)
Hugs,
Sadie
I have received negative comments but they are of two kinds. The first are from people who truly don't understand this way of life. They somehow found my blog or DD blogs and are reading around, intrigued enough to read but appalled. Every once in a while one of those will latch and a few of us will get comment after comment until we convince them that if this isn't for them they ought to just wander away. We are not poor abused souls. While the first comment like this really bothered me I didn't feel criticized, just irritated. They still come once in a blue moon. I don't publish them anymore.
ReplyDeleteThe second kind come from those out here in the community and may have a hint of criticism, but as a rule people tend to try to say hard things without being too harsh. I don't mind these comments as long as the person who writes them is open to dialogue. Every one of use reads another person's post through our own lens and our own experience. You have to know someone very, very well to always "get it" especially if they have a heavy post. Sometimes people just misunderstand me and I feel criticized. No biggy. Most of the time if I step back for a bit there is something in their comment that I need to think about. We can then take it offline (so to speak) and come to an understanding together. Even if they have completely misunderstood me as we work through it, we tend to get to know each other a bit better and in the end it is a positive thing.
The one off comments from folks I don't know well but feel critical. They don't bother me much. I just move on. If they have a blog, I try to make a mental note to get to know them a bit better by reading there so in the future I'll have a better sense of where they are coming from.
Wow...that was a novel. I managed to drink my whole cup of coffee while writing this.
Very wise and mature, Susie. It will probably take some growing pains for me to get there, but I'm willing :)
Delete"Every one of use reads another person's post through our own lens and our own experience."
There it is in a nutshell. Thank you for sharing this.
Hugs,
Sadie
Hi Sadie :)
ReplyDeleteI'm a little late to this, but I just wanted to say, don't worry too much about the comments you get. I've had my blog now for over a year and I have to say for the most part I haven't had any bad experiences. Yes misunderstandings, especially if I have written a more complex post about a punishment or a situation at home, and I have had a few which I have had to delete over the year, but mostly all the comments have been nice and supportive.
I totally agree with what Susie said. There are different types of commenters on the blogs.
The people who you interact with daily and know you better, will tend to understand you, laugh with you, cry with you, but also every now and then give you a kick up the backside if needed. They comment to show support and to be there for you.
Then there are the people who don't know you well, but read your blog, mostly quietly in the background, but for whatever reason a certain post will make them speak up. Now this could be a supportive comment, or they could criticise something you have written. This isn't a bad thing necessarily, but it could make you feel uneasy. I k ow when I first started my blog, I used to tell of punishments in some detail, and that would cause some readers to react in a worried way. They didn't know me or my dynamic and it would make them feel uneasy. You can either ignore those
Comments, or try and talk things out with the person in question. If the discussion is done objectively and with an open mind, it could actually lead to a great friendship, believe me I speak from personal experience there lol
But there are times that as a commenter we are faced with an angry blogger who is hurt by our words and not willing to see things from others point of view, or the commenter will be very set on what they're saying and not accept the opinion of the other. In these situation it's just best to agree to disagree and leave it at that.
Some times you might get comments from people who want to stir things up, they come with sexually explicit comments, hurtful words and discriminating and biased comments. In my opinion, they're not worth my time, they get deleted as soon as I see them and I don't give them the satisfaction of a response.
Either way remember this is your blog, write what you want and say what you want, ignore those who might be here to upset you, as this community as a whole is very supportive and nice and will come to hold your hand anytime you need it :)
Sorry for the long comment hugs x
Hi Missy, so nice of you to stop by and comment! And NEVER apologize for the length of a comment. You have many valuable things to say. As I see from what everyone is telling me, I'll just cross that bridge if/when I come to it. I hope I do it with as much grace as all of you!
Delete"Some times you might get comments from people who want to stir things up, they come with sexually explicit comments, hurtful words and discriminating and biased comments. In my opinion, they're not worth my time, they get deleted as soon as I see them and I don't give them the satisfaction of a response."
Um, yeah. I have had a few questionable comments of this nature. I've decided after today not to publish them anymore. Just took me a while to sort it out and make sure I wasn't misreading/misinterpreting the meaning.
I'm looking forward to reading your blog and getting to know you :)
Thanks,
Sadie
I haven't been blogging for very long so I don't have as many people commenting as other blogs get. I haven't experienced negative or harsh comments at this point. I assume at some point it will happen. I'm sure when it does, it will hurt and I'll have to pick myself up and brush myself off and remember not everyone will understand me or our struggles. But as hard as negative comments might be I hope I can see that someone might be trying to give positive criticism too. I think we learn from each other if we can be as honest as possible both in posting and in commenting. I named to hear good advice just as much as I need to hear the soft gentle stuff. And hey, I can always go back to the fluffy bunnies when I need them, lol.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, Clara. Positive, constructive criticism can be a good thing if we are open to hearing (not just listening) to what is being said. Still not easy, though!
DeleteFluffy bunnies..........yes, we do always have those. I may need to go back to them, too. LOL
Hugs,
Sadie
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ReplyDelete