Thursday, January 30, 2014

A Word From Kane

*I changed the font color from blue to white, as a friend told me it was a bit difficult against the purple background*

Kane asked me to share this (written yesterday) with you all:

Hello everybody,

I am sitting here watching the basketball game while my wonderful wife is upstairs watching T.V. There are some of you that are aware of our story with our younger children, (my step-children) and the last several months have been incredibly stressful for us. One of the things that has gotten us through this period has been our participation in TTWD. It has taken me a period of 3 plus years to really understand what all this is about; a long time but well worth the effort. I am a man who likes to lead from upfront and be in control; I am an alpha male.

I was raised by an old school type of father - he was 53 years old when I was born, a product of the Great Depression. He taught me about respect and boy did I learn my lesson at 12 years old. I told my mother to go get me a drink of milk, he rushed over to me, lifted me off the ground with one of his strong hands wrapped around my shirt and said " that is your mother, not your maid." Needless to say I learned my lesson to always treat my mother and really any woman with respect. My father never hit me or put his hands on me again, lesson learned...

When my wife and I started off in this dynamic I struggled with that fine line of being taught to respect and protect women, especially your wife and having to discipline her when you feel she has crossed the line. I was very confused to say the least; am I not supposed to protect my wife? Now I have to spank someone who is my equal in every way; doesn’t this go against everything I have been taught?  What a struggle, how did I get into this and do I really think I can be a spanko?

Well, suffice it to say loud and proud, I AM A SPANKO! What a crazy world this is, but I digress. My wife is a strong-willed person. She is many things: intelligent, caring, loving, giving and much more. My best friend, (with benefits) the only person in the world I trust 100% and she tells me my magic tricks and woodworking projects are good and she says this with great inflection in her voiceJ The one thing she needs, someone even more strong-willed than her. A man who will respect her, love her and of course lead her. I can finally say that the dynamic is natural, it's part of our everyday lives. It heightens my awareness to what she needs; what we need in our relationship. I take it as an honor that she trusts me enough with this gift; she wouldn’t give the reins over to just any man. My wife needs to know that I won't back down when she is stressed or disrespectful. I will give a maintenance spanking when she is out of sorts and I will issue the discipline spanking if she crosses the line. It has taken me a few years to understand my role in all this. I know I am not a domineering type, but I now get that when I am dominant, my wife feels safer and more secure. I love to protect her, It's an incredible feeling when I know she feels protected, I get so much from her when she is in this place.


  1. Ah, Hon, thank you so much for sharing this. I love you more than anything in the world xoxoxoxoxo


  2. What an amazing post. It's so good to get the HoH perspective from time to time. I know The Man sometimes really struggles with spanking me as hard and as intense as I need. It is his nature to love and protect and cherish. He is coming to terms with the fact that the intense leadership does that for me.. Awesome post Kane

  3. :-)! Inspiration for all the men out their discovering and exploring their natural dominance.

  4. What a wonderful post from your Hoh. It is evident that you both have a wonderful and blessed relationship. Thank you for sharing.

  5. Well hello there...

    I remember when I was a girl,( my Dad as you know was 44 when I was born and a child of the Depression too. I never realized until this past year that he was the leader of our house as my mother seemed so dominant to me) I referred to my Mom as 'she'. My Dad walked over to me and said, " She is the cat. That woman in the kitchen is YOUR MOTHER"...okay then!

    I also witnessed a friend of mine recently tell his teenage son, " That woman is MY WIFE, and you will NOT talk to MY WIFE that way". The wife he was referring too is as spunky and strong as any woman I have ever known.

    My point? Well on the outside we are all those strong, intelligent women who the outside world would NEVER suspect we have/need/desire a knight and shining armour. BUT we all need a stronger man beside us to let our guard down at the end of the day and be the other woman inside of us. The soft, vulnerable woman we want to be.


  6. Very sweet, and this will be so good for couples to read starting out. We all get discouraged at some point from the seemingly small growth that can happen in TTWD/DD, but it's there, and as time goes, you can really see that even though the growth was slow at times, it was there, and adds up to something very big. I love the picture you painted of that happening. Thank you for sharing.

  7. Thank you for sharing your perspective Kane. I think it's great, and I plan on sharing it with my husband, who I know has had some of the same thoughts. I love how you stress that you respect your wife and feel she is your equal. I don't think a man has to be domineering to be a great HoH either. That it took you 3 years to really get what DD/TTWD is about is encouraging for others who are still trying to do the same. Thanks again, hope to hear more from you in the future!

  8. I love reading about how the men see this type of relationship and what it means, doubts and all. Thanks Kane!

  9. Aww this is adorable! You can feel the happiness radiate off of this post. So cute! :)

  10. Great post, will have to send DH over here!