Well, tonight's the night. My gynecology appointment has come and gone (no hints of bruising left), and now I can be aptly punished for my behavior a week and a half ago. You can read about that here if you're not familiar with the story.
Believe it or not, I actually want this to happen, because I feel I deserve it. In the time that has elapsed since the day of the misdeed, J and I have talked about it on more than one occasion and have come to a better understanding. I told him that when he spanked me briefly that afternoon, his words were very effective. I hadn't felt that way during a spanking in a long time. I guess that's why, in a weird way, I'm actually looking forward to tonight. I want to feel the way I feel after a punishment spanking, which is that soft and submissive place.
I asked J if he thought he could still deliver the kind of spanking he would have given me the day of the offense had I not had the upcoming doctor appointment. He said he'd been thinking about that and he's not one to harbor offenses or hold onto things. He also said he believes he can still give me what I need. I'm afraid he might stop too soon. If he does, should I tell him I need more?
We also talked about my inability to reach a place of tears when I get spanked. I can certainly yell and plead for him to stop when the pain gets to be too much, yet I don't cry. I don't know why that is. I certainly have enough stresses that get pent up and in need of release. I asked J if that made sense to him, and he said it did, but that he didn't think it's something I should try forcing myself to do. I agree.
So I'm confused. Some women say that their HOH's words are just as, if not more, important, than the actual spanking itself. When they do finally cry, are they crying about more things than the circumstances surrounding the spanking? I have told J how important and effective his words were last week and that I need more of that. I feel I need an emotional release.
So I put the question out there: If I don't reach that place of release, should I ask J to keep spanking to see if it will happen?
Oh goodness these are tough questions but so important! The answer is yes to all of them I think...
ReplyDeleteYou asked if he stops too soon should you tell him you need more. Yes, you should. SM actually asks me if I need more (so that I don't have to ask because that is hard!) If I don't answer him when he asks, he continues to spank. If I say no he may still decide to swat a few more times but the choice is his.
As far as bringing you to tears. If you think that is what you need then he can try to keep spanking until you get there... but that can sometimes be scary and take a long time. Some are just not prone to cry.
As for the lecture... yes I think most cry due to the guilt more than the spanking. That is my opinion and when I am crying that is what I am crying about. I am thinking of whatever I did and how I wish I had done the right thing and been submissive to him. When I am remorseful tears come easily and the spanking is only an aside to remind me to behave.
I hope this was helpful.
love
sara
Sometimes I cry, sometimes I don't. Mostly I do...but it hasn't always been that way. If I were in your shoes I don't think I would intentionally try to force it. There are times when words have meant a lot and times when they wouldn't have made any sense at all. How helpful eh?
ReplyDeleteI think that what is important about tonight is going into it without too many preconceived expectations of what is going to happen. If he gives you an opportunity to snuggle and talk a bit beforehand, tell him what's on your mind--the desire for emotional release, how his words helped you--whatever anxieties are on your mind. Then when it is time, leave them there and as cheesy as it sounds, just "be" there and whatever your body and mind does is okay. For me, the tears are a combination of release--it's me letting go of the stress and anxiety as well as giving up control. If it's a punishment, there is remorse in there too. What I don't want you to think though is that you need to cry to have a release. I know a few women out here who almost never cry, but after a few hours and a good nap, they often feel settled, soft and submissive. Others throw giant fits and battle it out to go back over multiple times till they give up their will..and then they sob. Whatever happens is okay. MM often tells me that I'm trying too hard in one way or another and to just relax. When I listen to him (grin) it often does help.
Thank you, Susie. This is really helpful. The spanking went very well, and I just published a post about it. We are ever learning :)
DeleteSadie
I would say that if you need more, then you should ask for it, but I'm not sure if needing a good cry necessarily means more spanking. I so know the feeling of needing to let the tears go, but maybe if the spanking is sufficient and you're not there, a sappy movie or book would get you where you need to me. Good luck and I hope you feel better. [my advice is always going to be along the lines of less is more when it comes to spanking, but I'm a wimp.]
ReplyDeleteOh, Leah, I'm such a big wimp, myself! It's just that I know if I don't get what I need, it won't be effective. I like your suggestion about the sappy movie or book. 'The Notebook' always does it for me!
DeleteThanks, Leah.
Sadie
Sadie, I have asked the same questions repeatedly. I have only cried during a spanking twice. I can usually get to the crying and emotional release after the spanking when we are talking. Honestly I don't know if it would be better to have a sterner(don't know if that's a real word?) lecture before the spanking and see if I can cry during the spanking. Our way seems to work for us. Luke does some lecturing but not a great deal. He does usually insist that we talk it out afterwards. I'm never surprised by a spanking so having it done and talking afterwards seems to work. I still get to release the emotions and Luke is holding me while we talk and I cry. I did get really hung up on the idea that I was supposed to cry during the spanking. That just led me down the road of feeling like I was doing it wrong. Pain isn't something that normally makes me cry. It does make me focus and quiet my mind. Once I'm there, it doesn't take much to tap into the emotion while we're talking. That brings the tears for me.
ReplyDeleteHoping for your peaceful ending, Clara
Clara, I don't know if it's a real word, either, but 'sterner' sounds good to me...lol.'
DeleteI like what you said about how spanking makes you focus and quiet your mind. That's pretty much what it does for me, too, as long as it's not TOO painful. I can lose my focus and quiet during a punishment spanking, because I don't do pain very well. J and I do always talk about it....often several times over the week, as we've had a chance to better process it all.
Thank you, Clara!
Sadie
Okay well I'm late here, so I will just talk about the spanking/crying thing. I can't cry from the spanking. But let me clarify, not from the pain. Oh I know he spanks hard, I am always sore the next day. The only way I will cry is if he either with his words or the way he spanks, gets me out of my head. You see, I have a habit of 'leaving' my body when I am in pain. I did it throughout the birth of our 3 boys too. Poor Barney has quite the uphill battle on his hands. It is getting better, but that has only happened because of lots of communication. He asks me how I am doing throughout the spanking. He has learned by my tone, where I am. Again, that is from lots of talking about spanking after. Whether it is right after or a day later.
ReplyDeleteI hope things went okay last night. I know what a disaster or disappointment it can turn out to be when there is too much pressure surrounding a spanking. Often this happens after a prolonged absence of spanking.
willie
Oh, I know all about the NEED for it even if it is a long while after, and the fear that his heart might not be fully in it.
Thanks, Willie. Maybe I need to get out of my head once in a while. That's good food for thought. The spanking went really well. I just posted about it a little while ago. Ah, the things we are learning, eh?
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Sadie