Anyway, I'm working on a post that's been on my mind for a while, and I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions. It's about authenticity and our willingness/ability to be our authentic selves here in blogland, a challenge, at the very least. I have many of you to thank for the inspiration, as I'm seeing firsthand through your example, that when you step out of your comfort zones and risk sharing, the caring, support, and encouragement you receive is overwhelmingly affirming. I find myself more willing to take the risk.
Please feel free to share your thoughts and/or experiences in the comment section here, or via email, whichever you prefer. Commentors' (those without blogs) and lurkers' thoughts are most welcome, too!
I am really looking forward to hearing from you. I have learned so much from you already :)
"Vulnerability is the only authentic state. Being vulnerable means being open, for wounding, but also for pleasure. Being open to the wounds of life means also being open to the bounty and beauty. Don't mask or deny your vulnerability: it is your greatest asset. Be vulnerable: quake and shake in your boots with it. The new goodness that is coming to you, in the form of people, situations, and things can only come to you when you are vulnerable, i.e. open."
--Stephen Russell, Barefoot Doctor's Guide to the Tao: A Spiritual Handbook for the Urban Warrior
Myself personally, I have always thought/said, the more (of yourself) you put into blogging the more you will get out of it. I know it isn't for everyone, but I don't regret sharing my life this past year. Of course I stayed anonymous for a bit to all but a few so it was a tad easier to talk about things, but then I realized- I don't think of my blogging friends in personal situations, so why would they picture me that way?
ReplyDeleteNow I am hardly anonymous, and I mostly don't regret that either! LOL. Honestly Sadie, the more people knew about Barney and I the more helpful their advice and support became. It is difficult to offer suggestions when your don't know the people you are offering them too. Often the comments can become generic in manner.
Again though, it really isn't for everyone. As time goes on, as more experienced bloggers have mentioned, and people start writing to you for advice, ( I mean HONESTLY haven't they READ my blog..LOL. I am in NO position to give advice!) it can seem more daunting to air your dirty laundry out there. I pledged to myself when I first started, to be as honest and open as I could muster. I emulated a friend of mine in that manner. Sometimes comments end up stinging because of this, but I tried to keep in mind that they came from a genuine place. From people who wanted to help.
Gosh now my comment is longer than your post! I LOVE your new look lady!
willie
I'm not sure what you are asking? I don't want to put like my face and name on my blog but I do try to give an honest portrayal of myself. I have good days and bad days. Times when I am submissive and very obedient and then those other times where I run about and act like a crazy woman! :) This probably isn't what you meant?
ReplyDeletelove
sara
Sadie.. I have had my site up for just a short while now. For me it is a great way to get my thoughts out. If others choose to comment, it really provides great feedback and helps me to focus in on issues at hand. By nature I am a very private person and to be able to discuss and share with others ttwd/dd lifestyle is a huge step for me. I have been completely honest in my journey thus far as that will be the only way in which I can learn about myself and my needs. I too, find the risk well worth it.
ReplyDeleteI wish we had an snow artist, that could shape of those snow beings, into a snowman, spanking a snow woman over his knee. It would truly melt my ever loving heart.
ReplyDeleteI'd love to see more posts like that. I often worry I'm being a little too saucy for this community and readers must run for cover lol. but I figure my husband loves my saucyness and it's me. I do keep the more intimate personal stuff to just the two of us....but....be authentic honey. it's your blog, it's your journey that you'll look back on in months or years to come and reflect on. I say it's more of a risk to not be vulnerable and share as much or little as you want. let your readers have it :-P muah <3 Coral
ReplyDeleteToo saucy? Heck no.
DeleteWow, though subject!! Can you be authentic and make it in blogland? I am working so hard at putting a good first impression out there but I gotta say it's tough. I am much more comfortable one on one and yet I read the blogs and see where the interaction of many gives lots of different perspectives. I am a true introvert and have a very hard time meeting people. I need people like everyone else but being "out there" means people will have a chance to judge you and make assumptions about who you are. I guess I thought I could hide behind a screen name and sound self assured and assertive like so many of these other women but when it comes down to the nitty gritty, you are who you are. I often wonder if I belong here in blogland because I am one of the ones who questions everything I say and every move I make but in the end I am another women who longs for a deeper and more intimate connection with my husband and one who is looking for support in a diverse community. So I seek acceptance and friendship among the community.
ReplyDeleteYikes Sadie, no more soul searching questions! That was rough, Clara
I think Willie's point of you get out of it what you put in is very true. I'm so introverted, and frankly tired at the end of the day, and find it much easier to "come out" behind a computer screen than meeting others for cocktails or chatting with the mommies at the playground. But commenting and delurking is/was very scary to me. What if someone takes my comment the wrong way, I can shove my foot so far in my mouth, I am frequently off color, what if they think I'm a creepy stalker, what if they don't like the fact that I'm not submissive...
ReplyDeleteThe things that helps and is so wonderful about this community is the lack of judgment that I've felt. I'm sure there are plenty of people judging me, but they've been kind enough to keep it to themselves. In turn, I don't feel a need to judge anyone back. Feeling judged can be a burden but also judging others is equally burdensome.
Great post. There's a lot to think about here.
Leah, when I first started reading over a year ago, I didn't feel I should comment because I didn't think I could add. After all I didn't practice Dd to the degree that everyone else did. But you know A) most of the women here would NOT consider themselves submissive. ...TRUST me on that...and B) at the end of the day ttwd is about strengthening our marriages/relationships. All opinions given in good faith are always welcome!
DeleteThe truth of the matter is, if you comment with sincerity, you can't control how the other person 'takes' your comment. They are your words, but what they 'do' with them is up to the reader. You can't worry about that. Often comments may sting, even for you to read, but often it is the place the reader is in....or if they haven't shared everything and you appear to misinterpret their writing. Again it is up to the reader of the comment. Be true, and respectful and don't worry, it will show!
I do worry about being 'found out'. I have a public/work persona, a family/friend persona and the one I only ever share with H. Well until I started to blog or comment and then small hints into the private one are shown. The trouble is that they are mixed with the public one a little so I have a fear of being recognised. At times this worries me and at others I think that to recognise me they must have been trawling through DD blogs themselves.
ReplyDeleteHow would I feel if I recognised my doctor, dentist, child's teacher here? Well I actually (obviously) wouldn't think that it would make them any less able at their job. I wouldn't consider it to be inappropriate, but I think some others would!
I do worry about being 'found out'. I have a public/work persona, a family/friend persona and the one I only ever share with H. Well until I started to blog or comment and then small hints into the private one are shown. The trouble is that they are mixed with the public one a little so I have a fear of being recognised. At times this worries me and at others I think that to recognise me they must have been trawling through DD blogs themselves.
ReplyDeleteHow would I feel if I recognised my doctor, dentist, child's teacher here? Well I actually (obviously) wouldn't think that it would make them any less able at their job. I wouldn't consider it to be inappropriate, but I think some others would!
This is great, ladies. I love the thought-provoking comments going on here. As I said, I'm still working on the post on authenticity (sorry, Clara, more soul searching ahead...lol), and it is, as yet, unfinished, but I would like to include what you've shared here (in bits and pieces) -- totally anonymously, of course -- I will not name you unless you would like to be named! Would that be alright with you? If not, let me know, and I will not include it. I'm really speaking in terms of sharing our collective thoughts in a general manner.
ReplyDeleteOh, and to Six -- funny you should say that........I did try looking for pics of snowmen spanking snow women, even tried changing the wording up........didn't turn up a thing! So I went with the one of the couple on the bench :)
Thank you for trying my suggestion NO NAME. Here is hoping you have a spanking good year in 2014. Best of luck in Renaming your blog. But then you might find leaving it this way, is just as good.
DeleteActually, Six, I had tried looking for the pic and ended up choosing the one I did before you left the comment suggesting it. Great minds think alike, eh?
DeleteWhile I can't speak for everyone, the way I figure- I already said it here publically. I have no secrets, just don't twist it LOL!!!
ReplyDeleteWe all blog differently and have very different reasons for wanting/needing to blog. As a complete newbie in an "anonymous" land it was easy for me to be 100% authentic. What would the point be of being anything else? I was taken aback the first time I got to know a fellow blogger and found out that their "stories" were just that...stories. It was a place for them to write about a bit of a fantasy--what they would like their relationship to look like but it wasn't reality. Here's the thing though...in writing out the fantasy, she learned a lot about herself and in the end, got a lot of what she was looking for. She no longer blogs because telling even an anonymous world about everyday life wasn't something she could do. It was far too vulnerable.
ReplyDeleteLOL, confused yet?
I have personally found it harder to share about the nitty gritty as time has gone on. I get a bunch of "you two always find your way" comments and while I appreciate each one, like others, when I'm having a clear and total ridiculous meltdown, I just need to feel understood. I've talked with some "older" bloggers who eventually stop and there are a variety of reasons. The driving desire to be authentic is one and when folks think you must have it all together, it's hard to write about the hard stuff. DD is messy...I want to keep writing about the messy stuff too. As far as being real to me goes, I think that if I started faking it now, it would be pretty obvious and anyone out here who has known me for any period of time would call me on it.
I'm not a writer and I'm not that great at it, so I'm always afraid that I come across different than what I really am irl. But I want to put my self out there. I remember when I first started reading, I was able to relate more to the people who were very open, personal and honest about their lives. It helped to know that I wasn't alone and we are all human. So I try to be as honest as I can.
ReplyDeleteKim