Standstill

So what do you do when you find yourself and your partner, too, at yet another standstill, Dd speaking?  The consistency has fallen way back, and though my intention is not to "point a finger" at my beloved hubby.........um, the fact of the matter is, he has let the ball drop yet again.

It's like the many conversations we've had about it never happened.  I was promised a special evening last night. Kane told me on Friday that we would have a night that consisted of dancing (in our home, the way we did when we were first going out), spanking (we had not done maintenance/r/a for over a week after agreeing that I needed it 2x a week, especially to help me through this tough present situation with our daughter), and, from what I surmised, good lovin'........

I looked forward to it all day yesterday, as I went about various errands.  I was on the computer (with permission, of course), he gave the kids their medications, sent them to bed, came downstairs for a bit and shared some thoughts/emotions he was having about all that is going on right now with the kiddos, said some wonderful things to me about how much he loves me and how special I am to him.  Then he said he was going upstairs....no mention of our special night.  I said, "Don't fall asleep!", to which he said he wouldn't.  I then said, "Ok, so.....you'll come back for me when you want me?"  He said he would.

After about 45 minutes, he came downstairs and told me to come up.  He was laying in the bed, reading.  I got changed and got into bed beside him.  He started massaging my back and neck, which have been really sore lately.  I then asked him if he would brush my hair, which he did.  I just love that and find it so comforting.

He told me again how much he loves me.  We lay there. And lay there.  And lay there.  Soon he started snoring.  I kept telling him he was snoring.  He would stop briefly and it would start again.

I eventually got up to go in the living room.  He stirred and asked me where I was going.  I said I wasn't tired and was going to watch TV.  He tried telling me he had just been resting.  This same thing happened a few weeks ago and caused quite the upset.  We worked it through, I told him what I need, why it upset me, etc.  He said he understood and would work on it.

Last night I told him I did not want to argue, but that I was really disappointed.  I asked him why he didn't come and get me sooner than he did.  He said he didn't know.

I went to watch TV, trying to calm down inside.  I was not angry, just hurt and disappointed.  I couldn't believe it was happening again.

He came out a while later and sincerely apologized.  I said I needed to think about everything, because everything we had talked about the last time in terms of what we both need from TTWD didn't amount to anything.  I told him I couldn't keep getting my hopes up....that I was trusting him with my emotions/vulnerability about what it is I need from him, and when he does this, it's just too much of a letdown.

He then told me when he wanted me to come back to bed.  I told him I was upset and needed to divert myself, that I had told myself to calm down inside and I was trying to do that.  He then said I had to turn the TV off in 45 minutes, although I could stay in the living room if I wanted.  

I explained myself as best I could, and told him why I wasn't going to do as he said.  I wasn't rebellious or snarky, or even sassy.  I was just so let down.

He went to bed.  I stayed on the couch all night.

I made him his coffee this morning.  He's upstairs reading, I'm on the computer.  

I did not ask his permission.  I'm not even sure he knows.

Laughter, The Best Medicine

According to the calendar, spring has sprung.  9 days ago.  Sure hasn't felt like it, but I've decided to act as if it were truly here, hence my springy blog facelift.

After months of feeling like this.............

and this............

I decided I want (and need) more of this.........

That's where you come in!  Will you share a story of either your funniest or most embarrassing moment (whichever you're more comfortable with and think will get the most laughs).  What's more, would you post it on your blog?  Entitle it "Laughter".  I'll do the same.  We could shoot for April 1st, being April Fools.....although it doesn't leave much time to get the word out and around -- should it simply be for the entire month of April, like the March Questions?  That way people will have more time.  I'd love to know your thoughts.

Will you help me pass this on and invite others to join in?  Maybe we could make it an annual thing like LOL Day, Or March Questions....

All I know is, I could REALLY use some good belly laughs.

Great Questions, You Guys!

These questions were really thought provoking!  Thanks for playing along.  I better get on the horn and put some of my questions out there.  There are only 11 days left till the end of the month!


Willie, from Barney Married Wilma:

Okay, my question is for Kane:  What was/is your biggest challenge that you *didn't* anticipate at the start of your Dd adventure?  

Sadie...hmmm?  If there was one thing you wished you could go back and tell yourself at the beginning of this adventure, what would it be?  

Kane:  The understanding that, even when things are going well, you should not relax your standards.

Sadie:    Hmmm.....I guess it would be to try not to get too uptight and worked up over so many things......to settle down some.......but then again, I don't know that I would have listened...lol.

Cat, from Giggles, Grins, and Reflections:  

If you could have a weekend house party with 5 people (living or dead), who would they be, and why?

That's easy........they'd all be blogger friends.  The "why" is fairly obvious ;)

Cali Mom, from His Rib, Her Rock:

What would your dream vacation be?

A trip to London, Italy, and Ireland.

What is your favorite season?

Summer and Fall

What would your dream home look like?

It may sound corny, but it's the home I'm living in right now.  Kane and I had an addition and renovation done a few years ago.  This was his home for many years before I came into the picture, and now it's ours.  I love it as much as he does  :)

If you were an animal, what would you be?  And what would your husband be?

Hmm.....I asked Kane, and he responded immediately with "a lion". Interesting...lol.  I guess for myself I'd have to say a dog.

Are you enjoying or benefiting from blogging this time around?

A resounding 'Yes' to both!

George, from George's Hangar:

OK, let's start with who would play you and Kane in a movie about your life?

This one's too hard, George.  I really don't know!  Any suggestions?


If you could transport to another time to live in, when would it be?

Maybe the late 1800's - early 1900's -- only temporarily, of course, because life was much harder in those days, and I don't think I'm cut out for it for the long term.  Does that make me a wimp?

If an alien spacecraft landed in your yard and said they wanted to talk to the smartest person on the planet and asked you who that was, what would you tell them?  (Can't say wait a minute and I will get my husband because he is the smartest!) LOL

The smartest person on the planet?  I honestly don't know who that would be!

An Irish Song & Blessing

I get my Irish roots from my mother, who was the second youngest of 14 children born to my grandparents, who had immigrated from Ireland.  My mom loved to sing, and taught this song to me and my sisters when we were young.  This is truly an oldie but goodie.....dating back to 1927.  To me, it's ageless  :)

Hope you're all having a good day today.  Here's an Irish blessing to take with you...........

???

It's come to my attention that March is Question & Answer Month.  I gathered as much by reading the blogs, so I figure I'd best get with the program  :)  I wonder if there's a sort of handbook thingy with special events/dates available to help us newer bloggers figure these things out sooner...lol.

Anyway, if you have any questions for me or my husband, Kane, we'd be happy to answer them.

Somewhere Between Meh and Bleh

The past couple of weeks are a blur.  I haven't had time for blogging, although I did manage, here and there, to read a few posts.  I haven't had time to comment, which really bummed me out, because many of you wrote great posts that I wanted to comment on.  Oh, and I didn't even answer the comments I got on my last post.  Please forgive me, and know that I was with you in spirit.

So, for the brief update.........The battle continues.  The system continues to fight us on what we believe is best for our daughter and our family.  But there's something they're discovering in the process......... 

or you'll see a side of me you haven't seen before..........

Last week we had a meeting in a room much like this.........

The only difference is that, at our meeting, there were just three tables -- so picture it minus the one in the foreground.  The seats were filled.  We totaled 12 in number.  It was us (along with our attorney and an advocate from a parent group we belong to) against them.

Then, this past week, we were in a different kind of setting..........

We have another reprieve in that we are going forth with getting an evaluation for our daughter that the system is against.  

The main reason I had so little time for blogging is that I was working on putting together documentation and cross referencing it with information in a book that is written for mental health professionals (which I am not!).  

I was very fortunate, however, to have the help of a professional we're working with (not part of the 'system'), who was actually the one who suggested I do this.  She said it would be very important for the court to have.  Once she outlined what it was I needed to do, it was much better, and, by the grace of God, I got it done.  Time will tell if it ends up helping us achieve the desired outcome we're praying for.

In the midst of this, Kane and I had what seemed like umpteen appointments and meetings to go to for ourselves and our kiddos.  Throw in the fact that I was sick for two weeks (and needed to spend a few days in bed) and well...........it was NOT fun.  Next court date isn't for a couple of months, so I hope this means a bit of a reprieve for now.

So things should be better, right?  Well, in one way, yes.  But my hubby and I have had a rough week that started out something like this:

Usually by now, we'd have managed to work it through, find resolution, and move forward.

I did say 'usually'.

This time we're stuck at an impasse.  Different kind of impasse, too.  We tried discussing the matter last week, to no avail.  Interestingly, there hasn't been any Dd dynamic going on to speak of, with the exception of Kane reminding me once that I had not asked his permission to do something I was doing.  He told me to stop, I did, and that was the end of it.  I did say something about writing my thoughts to him, and I haven't done it yet.  I've done it before, and it's usually not hard for me to do.  I've tried a couple of times, but there's no flow.  So I'm waiting.

In the meantime, I know just the thing that I could go for right now......

I don't think I've mentioned that I love singing karaoke, have I?

Oh, and maybe while we're at it, we could have a Mary Kay party....

You know, like we used to way back when..........

Lord knows, I could use a diversion.  Care to join me?