Sorry if the post title is misleading. From the sound of it, you might have thought this would be a good, juicy read. Alas, this is not about the aftermath of a good, hard spanking. Rather, it's about how I feel today, after having gone to bed at 3 am (Kane let me sleep in until 10:30). I woke up feeling well rested, and when my thoughts became coherent, I remembered the post I wrote last night. I wondered if it was too down, too heavy....maybe I shouldn't have hit 'publish'. I considered whether I should take it down.
After (finally) getting out of bed and greeting my youngest child, I slowly became aware that I was feeling better, even lighter. I can't attribute it to a spanking, because no spanking of any kind took place last night, let alone a hard one. For one thing, Kane was fast asleep, snoring away. For another thing, I did NOT want to experience the kind of pain I wrote about at that ungodly hour. I told you I'm a dichotomy...lol.
I find my days are like this lately. With the conclusion that Kane and I have arrived at looming in the not-so-far distance, my emotions have run the gamut of the spectrum. Sometimes when I can't sleep, Kane will allow me to fall asleep on the couch to the TV. It's a helpful distraction. That was the case a few nights ago when I couldn't turn my thoughts off, as I worried about the kids. Kane and I had been talking things through for at least an hour by that point, and then when I tried settle enough for sleep, it wouldn't happen.
This morning I feel an 'odd' sense of peace. I welcome it, believe me. I don't fool myself that I won't find myself at the opposite end of the spectrum many times again going forward, but I am hanging onto the belief that eventually, this peace will grow and last. That is what the peace that surpasses all understanding is.
The events of the past year have been, what some people have told us, unimaginable, and enough to send most people over the edge. My doctor put me on medication last fall. I thank God for my wonderful husband, who is also struggling right alongside me. He's been my rock, yet of course, he has also experienced each and every emotion I have. We reach out to each other for comfort. The other day he surprised me with a DVD of one of my favorite comediennes, Carol Burnett. We watched it that night and had ourselves some good laughs, mixed in with a nice feeling of nostalgia.
I've decided I'm going to enjoy this peaceful, lighter feeling I have today. Thank you all for your reassurance that I'm not being a Debby Downer. I do not write here for sympathy, and I'm so glad you know that.
I'd like to end this post on a lighter and brighter note, so I dug around for a few pics that might express just that.
Kane's been into woodworking lately and has been making some really awesome stuff, and although it would require something other than woodworking to achieve this, I'm thinking of asking him to try his hand at inventing something like this. Who knows? He's completely self-taught on the woodworking thing. Anything's possible, right? At the very least, a girl can dream......
While he's at it, maybe he can make me one of these, too.
This is me far more often than I'd care to admit. I don't know if Kane can do anything about this. *Sigh*
OK, how many of you are old enough to remember what TV show this is from?
I chose it because I think it humorously captures the spirit we'd like to aspire to, at least every once in a while...lol.
And, on the flip side, back to reality once again! On these days, I just keep telling myself, "This too shall pass".
Have a great Sunday, everybody :D