For those of you who have read a few of my whiny posts about spankings and know what a wimp I am, one look at my new header and you'll know why I chose the title of this post.
I dunno, I feel as if I'm teetering on the edge.....no, not of a breakdown (at least not yet...lol), but kinda dancing on the line between not wanting painful spankings and well.....finding myself wanting some painful spankings. Not for the pain, mind you. I hate pain. No, I need what it will bring me.
Maybe I find myself here because of all that's going on in my life right now. The situation is nearing a conclusion, and I liken it to running away from the flames that seek to devour you and moving forward, even though the journey will press and squeeze you on every side. You can't stand still. Not yet. You have no choice but to go forward, knowing you will encounter much sorrow and pain as you do, yet hanging onto your faith that God will see you through.
Resolution? I don't know if I can call it that. Extremely tough decisions to make. Decisions that, while you sadly understand and accept that it is the only choice you have, still cause you deep sorrow. Holding onto the hope that one day, good will come from all of this.
I guess it's not so hard to understand after all, the wanting some hard spankings, that is. I'd rather feel that pain than what I'm feeling now and will only get worse before it gets better.
Keep calm and spank me hard, Kane. Help me get my mind on something else, if only for a while.