For those of you who have read a few of my whiny posts about spankings and know what a wimp I am, one look at my new header and you'll know why I chose the title of this post.
I dunno, I feel as if I'm teetering on the edge.....no, not of a breakdown (at least not yet...lol), but kinda dancing on the line between not wanting painful spankings and well.....finding myself wanting some painful spankings. Not for the pain, mind you. I hate pain. No, I need what it will bring me.
Maybe I find myself here because of all that's going on in my life right now. The situation is nearing a conclusion, and I liken it to running away from the flames that seek to devour you and moving forward, even though the journey will press and squeeze you on every side. You can't stand still. Not yet. You have no choice but to go forward, knowing you will encounter much sorrow and pain as you do, yet hanging onto your faith that God will see you through.
Resolution? I don't know if I can call it that. Extremely tough decisions to make. Decisions that, while you sadly understand and accept that it is the only choice you have, still cause you deep sorrow. Holding onto the hope that one day, good will come from all of this.
I guess it's not so hard to understand after all, the wanting some hard spankings, that is. I'd rather feel that pain than what I'm feeling now and will only get worse before it gets better.
Keep calm and spank me hard, Kane. Help me get my mind on something else, if only for a while.
Sadie, I am completely with you, on the one hand, painful spankings are something we want to avoid. On the other hand, they give us such a good way of letting go, of making up for what has happened and definitely they help so much to reconnect to our partners. I am also only into a little of the good bedroom kind of pain, not the nasty cane type of pain. And nevertheless, since I currently cannot have spankings, I feel so much more how much I need spankings, the painful ones included. They do too much good for hubby and me, and from what you write, I think it is the same with you.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that you still have to wait until your issues are finally resolved. But I hope that whatever the outcome will be, it is for what you feel is best.
And I love the new looks of your blog, it makes me waiting for the beginning of a movie or theatre play. I love deep dark shades of red. :)
hugs
Nina
Sadie, I'm so sorry! It makes perfect sense that you'd want to feel something other than what you're feeling right now. I'll be praying for you as you walk toward those flames. Hold tight to Kane.
ReplyDeleteHugs, Leah