Sunday, April 19, 2015

To Sir, With Love

Asking Kane for permission is something he incorporated into our rules well over a year  ago (maybe two?).  It is something that is not easy for me to do, even though I agree with the concept.  When we first started putting it into practice, I found several different ways in which I could do it without having to say "May I?"  I have always said 'please' to everyone when asking for something, as my mama taught me well.  If, on occasion, as sometimes happened, I forgot to say it to Kane when asking for his help with something or asking him to do something for me, he has always reminded me to say 'please', as it's important to him.  I should add that Kane holds himself to that same standard.

Taking the creative approach, I chose my words carefully:

I thought I might go and do such and such if that's ok with you?

Are you ok with me going/doing such and such?

When I was mad at him, I worded it this way:

If you have no objections, I'd like (or I plan) to..........

If Kane noticed those nuances, he didn't say so.

Several months ago we were discussing the topic of asking for permission, and he told me he wanted me to begin all of my requests for permission with "May I please.................Sir?  I was okay with it, as it certainly made sense in this lifestyle.  Besides, I needed to stretch myself beyond my comfort zone, and he was glad to catapult help me.

And so it was that was the new way for me to ask Kane's permission for something.  It wasn't easy for me.  I found having to say "May I" made me feel silly or foolish (and maybe a little inferior).  Having to say 'Sir' -- well, that just didn't sound natural.  It's like when we first started out four years ago when I could barely get the word 'spanking' out of my mouth when talking -- it even seemed involuntary at times, the hesitation, I mean.   It felt to me like I was just playing a game, even though I was very serious about the whole thing.
I've told Kane how difficult it is for me to own this, to make it a natural part of me.  It still does not flow from my mouth naturally.  On a few occasions when I started talking about something I wanted to do and forgot to ask the right way, Kane was quick to remind me in a gentle and firm way.  It still happens from time to time.  Last night we talked about it again, and I asked him if he would tell me how it makes him feel when I say "May I please.........Sir?"  I asked him this because I was hoping it would help make it easier and more natural if I knew how and why it was important to him.

He told me that it's a connection.  Asking in that manner is submissive, and when I do that, his desire to lead and protect me is even greater.  He asked me if I understood.  I did.  I do.

I asked Kane if requiring me to say "Sir" was of personal significance to him or if he thought of it simply as an exercise in submission for me.  I asked him if he ever feels unnatural requiring it of me or being addressed that way.  He told me it was important to him and seriously likes it when I say it.

His explanation really did help me gain a deeper understanding.   I'm  hoping that not only will I get to the place where asking that way feels natural and good, but also that I won't find myself slipping backwards so much.  That is my challenge and my goal.

Today I looked him in the eye as naturally and softly as I could when I asked his permission to wear pants.  I felt a new sense of earnestness within.

I'd say that's a good start.

I've taken some liberty with some of the words to this song to reflect my love for and gratitude to my wonderful husband, my Sir.

FYI - This video continues with other songs after this one ends.  So just click 'pause' to end.  I couldn't figure out how to limit it to just this song.

Those yester years of talking back
And saying no are gone
And in their place I look
For ways to show you my gratitude

But how do you thank someone
Who has helped you find your true identity?
It isn't easy, but I'll try

If you wanted the sky
I would write across the sky in letters
That would soar a thousand feet high
To Sir, With Love

And here we are
Facing life together hand in hand
And in my heart I know
That I have married my best friend

The man who taught me right from wrong
And weak from strong
That's a lot to learn
What can I give you in return?

If you wanted the moon
I would try to make a star
But I would rather you let
me give my heart
to Sir With Love


  1. So happy Kane was able to help you better understand Sadie. I love this song and the movie...the moral of the movie (respect of others and yourself) is timeless and Sidney Poitier is an outstanding actor. Thanks for sharing. Congratulations to you for your lovely new beginning...sending lots of positive thoughts for your continued success.

    Hugs and blessings...

  2. Thank you, Cat. I love that movie, too!