Happy Thanksgiving

By now the turkey has been put away, the kitchen cleaned up, and many are probably in bed.  I thought of you all today and how I wanted to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving before the day got underway.  Ah well, the best laid plans..........

I do hope your Thanksgiving was wonderful and blessed, spent with those you love and care about.  I've been gone a while, but you were never far from my mind or heart.

Trying to figure out how to do this thing again....the blogging that is.  For a while it seemed so difficult to come up with posts that, at the very least, would make sense to those reading.

I didn't intend to be away so long....kept thinking, "I've got to get back to it."  I've been trying to catch up with some reading when I can.

My good friend, Clara, encouraged me to write something.  To come back now.  Sometimes I've told her I just don't know what to write about, especially when I've been feeling overwhelmed, tired, and at times, apathetic.  She told me to write about it.

I'm thinking about it.

Sometimes I allow myself to get caught up in the ole tug of war --

Just write for yourself.  This is a place where you can let things out and process them.

Don't worry so much about whether it makes sense to others or whether you're writing in a way that will keep them interested.  Don't get caught up in all of that.

And yet I do.  Tug, tug, tug.

When life gets ho hum on the DD front, I think, "Well this is great, what am I going to say now?"  Especially when I'm upset with Kane.  I don't want to portray him in a bad light.

They say not to concentrate on or worry about getting comments.  This is your blog; you can write about whatever you want in any way you want.  I'd like to think I can do that, yet I have gotten caught up in wondering if what I'm writing isn't interesting enough if I don't get many comments.  Sometimes I've thought that the few regular commenters I've had were just being kind.

This is dumb, I know.  And the last thing I want is for anyone to think I'm fishing for comments.  NO PITY COMMENTS!  LOL  I'm really not feeling sorry for myself here, just being honest.  Maybe some of you have felt the same way at times?

Anyway, I think I'm going to try again to write as best I can from my heart and not worry about whether I'll "reach anyone" with what I have to say.  That's really not the point.  If it happens, and especially if it ends up helping someone, that is a bonus and a blessing.

This Thanksgiving I am grateful for so much.  This past year has been the most difficult of my life, but I have seen the glimmer of that light at the end of the tunnel, and am keeping my eye on it.

It feels good to be here again  :)

Spank Ready

The other day Kane announced that we needed a 'session' that night -- that he needed it.  Hmm....  I was interested ;)  We were overdue.  I even arranged myself over my special bed cushion, aka the 'husband pillow' -- you know, one of those cushions with arms that you place at the head of the bed for reading.  Kane started with his hand and delivered a good many swats (he's increased the amount lately).  I was handling them well.....maybe too well, and I asked for the leather paddle.  It's always a delicate balance, is it not -- deciding whether to ask for more/harder spanks.  Guess I'm learning to ask for what I need -- without getting too crazy.  Lol

Kane delivered, and I was again surprised at how well I was tolerating it.  He did bring out the Black Hand, which, any more than 10 swats, I am so wanting outta there.  I didn't get more than 10 -- tolerated that ok, considered for a minute second whether I should ask for more -- then thought better of it, chicken that I am.

As he spanked, he told me that he wants me to stop complaining when we go on walks together.  Um, well, I've been known to grumble let him know (more than once) when I'm sweating (well, geez, it was so HOT outside!).  I guess I've also made it known in a not-so-pleasant way that my legs hurt sometimes  (well, they do!).  The last time we went for a walk, he decided, toward the end of it, to go in a slightly different direction home -- a direction that would take us an additional 10 minutes or so, so I said something to that effect.  I guess it really bothers him when I do all this.  Kinda takes the joy of walking out of it for him.  I guess I can see that.

Anyway, he told me that there will be an 'adjustment' spanking -- to adjust me to being ready to walk without complaining.  He first said he'd deliver one after the walk if I complained.  I suggested that it might be a good idea to give it to me beforehand, so I'd remember.

I'll keep you posted as to how that works out.  I'm pretty sure we'll be taking a couple of walks next week.

Laying Down My Crown

Although I have thoroughly enjoyed having a beautiful majestic gold crown sparkling atop my head "S" (thank you, Willie ; ), I must admit I'm most comfortable without one.  It was simply too much pressure to be PERFECT,  ya know?

So, alas, my secret's out -- I'm not really a princess -- shhhh -- only in my mind...lol.

It was always slipping off my head, anyways, especially when OTK.

A Little Bondage, Anyone?

I dunno......you know the saying, "Never say never"....... there was a time not too long ago when I wouldn't have even entertained the thought of having my bottom spanked by my hubby.  Now I've taken to admiring my reddened arse in the mirror.

At the very least, it would take my mind off of the pressing matters at hand  :P

Thoughts?

Saggy Boobs

Can Pain Be My Friend?

I was talking with a blogger friend last night about the effectiveness of a really sore bottom after a good, hard spanking.  We both don't like what it takes to get there, yet we like feeling the soreness a day or two (or even three) afterward.  She had had an especially hard maintenance and was feeling it the next day, which she liked.  I thought back wistfully to those times (I can count them on one hand) that my bottom was so sore, just getting in the car was very painful, yet............you guessed it............I loved it.  And that made me think I was very strange.

I haven't had that kind of spanking in a LONG time.....those kinds for me have always been punishments.  Kane has learned how to spank me gradually during maintenance, which has lessened bruising significantly.  My friend and I talked about that, too, and how we even like having bruises on our butts.  I remember some really pretty shades of purple.  They always bothered Kane, though.  He hated to see them.  It bothered him to know he'd caused them, even though I told him I was fine with them.  Heck, I would pull a hand mirror out of my bathroom closet several times a day to admire his handiwork.

At the very least, my friend and I agreed that it was the ever-present reminder that kept us feeling in that soft, submissive place.

I know I could ask Kane for an extra dose of heavy-handedness, but that would most likely mean that he would use the wooden paddle he made, which he 'affectionately' refers to as 'The Black Hand'.  I can't tolerate too many of those.  I guess I could ask him to use his hand at full-force strength.  Gulp.  

Alas, I am a big weanie when it comes to pain.  Oh, the connundrum.....sigh........

Back From the Beyond

I wanted to entitle this "Back From the Great Beyond", and then wondered if the "Great Beyond" meant the afterlife, in which case, if it did, I certainly haven't been there.  I've been more in a place called Limbo.  Kane and I are fine; we still have a lot to be grateful for.  It's just that, well, we've had so much to deal with and so many tough decisions to consider.  I can't believe I've been away for as long as I have.  It was not my intention.  I kept thinking I'd be back, so I didn't want to write a "Taking a Break" kind of post.  Every time I thought about it, though, I started feeling increasingly guilty for suddenly disappearing without a trace or explanation.

Not sure what else to say.  We're now on our 3rd attorney.  Things with the 2nd child are looking hopeful and good, and that makes us feel so good inside.  Things with the 1st child do not, and well.......

So what am I saying?  I kept thinking, "I don't have anything meaningful to write about Kane's and my dd life right now.  That aspect of our life is going pretty well.....we did boot camp last month, and it was a really good experience for both of us.  I'm just not sure what I have to offer to the community here right now, but I'm not ready to let you all go.  Maybe you won't mind if I leave a comment here or there on your blogs?  I do want to stay connected, if even in a small way.

If you've emailed me and I haven't responded, please accept my sincere apology.  I'm just now getting to the place where I can do that.

So will you forgive me for going off the radar of the Blogosphere without a word?  I've still been thinking of you all and have read your blogs when I can.

Life goes on, doesn't it?  And that's a good thing.  Kane will be having knee surgery next month.  And so it goes.  At least his knee won't hurt him anymore after he recovers.

I've got a lot of catching up to do.  I hope everything is going well for all of you.  Blondie, I read your blog the other night, and my thoughts and prayers are with you and Ty.

God bless you guys, and thanks for letting me express myself here.