Authenticity in Blogland.....How Real Can We Be? Part 3

I've really enjoyed reading the comments I received to the previous two posts on this subject.  I always appreciate all the things I learn from everyone here.

I'd like to tell you a bit about my husband, J, and me, and our life together.  I've just made a cup of tea; won't you pull up a chair and join me?

J and I have been married for almost four years.  This is his first marriage and my second.  He had never been married before and had no children.  I had been previously married for over 20 years and had a bunch of kids (let's just say somewhere between 5 and 10).  I know what you're thinking.....we thought it too.  So did many of J's friends.

She has how many kids?  How long was she married for?  Are you crazy, Man?

Hey, J, Sadie sounds like a great gal, but you really should think this through. That's an awful lot to handle.  In other words, "Run like hell and don't look back!"

Now, let me say here that most of my kids were already grown and out of the house when J and I met.  Only the youngest three were still home.  

To be fair, I sat down with J a few months into our relationship and told him I didn't know what the future held in terms of my youngest children.  The reason for this is they all had very difficult beginnings before coming to live with me and my first husband (they are adopted).  Although they had made great strides since that time, they also had many issues and challenges.  So I wanted to be completely honest with J about what he was getting into.  I wanted him to be fully aware, and if he felt the uncertainty of what we may have to deal with down the road was too great, I completely understood.  Essentially, I was trying politely to show him the door. For his own good.

J didn't take my good intentions the way I'd hoped.  He thought I was inferring that he didn't have what it took to help me with these kids, that he was somehow lacking.  He thought I might go out and look for someone else who did.  (We now laugh every time we remember that night -- that here I was trying to save him, and his male ego was hurt!).

You don't understand, J.  I'm telling you this because you are one in a million.  You're a wonderful man, and there could really be a tough road ahead where these children are concerned, and it wouldn't be fair or honest of me not to let you know that.  It's begun to dawn on me that perhaps I should not be in any long-term committed relationship, and certainly not a marriage, if that would ever come my way, because what I'm facing here is a huge unknown.  All the adopted children have special needs.

J was not daunted.  Not one bit.  He told me he was here and not going anywhere.  He said he believed these kids were worth fighting for and wanted to help me.

It wasn't very long after that that we declared our love for each other.  We were married a year later.

The kids were very excited about the whole thing (they started asking us if we were getting married after we first told them we were dating).  I felt so blessed to have this wonderful man...my new husband...in my life...in all our lives.

I wish I could say that by giving our children a loving, stable home, they have grown leaps and bounds and are not struggling nearly as much as they were in the beginning.  This is true of our youngest child, but not the older three.

Over the years, our second, third, and fourth youngest children have been diagnosed with multiple mental health disorders.  Three of them are not living at home right now due to unsafe behaviors.  Their futures are uncertain.  We have many challenging and difficult decisions ahead to make regarding their treatment, and we've had to fight the broken mental health system every step of the way this past year in order to get them the proper help they need.

In the midst of this, J and I are doing our best to carry on.  To tell you that it has been difficult to maintain consistency in TTWD is a vast understatement.  Yet we need it.  More now than ever.  It helps keep us grounded and centered.  It keeps us closely connected to each other.

There is so much we do not have control over where our children are concerned, but it brings us both comfort and a measure of peace to know that J has control of me and our relationship.  I feel so safe with him at the helm.  He feels good knowing he is doing everything he can to cherish, guide, and protect me.

Yes, TTWD is a stabilizing force in our relationship -- in our marriage.

We've both made many changes since first starting this journey three years ago, and we have many more to make.  Life is ever evolving, and change is inevitable.  I want to be my best self for this wonderful man I love.  TTWD, although not by any stretch of the imagination an easy road, helps me to be my best self.  The same is true for J.

Thank you for letting me share my story with you.  It's so good to know there are many fellow sojourners here to lend support and encouragement.

I'm really glad to be here :)

The Blog With No Name Is Nameless No More

I have had a fondness for the name, Sadie, ever since first hearing Barbra Streisand sing, "Sadie, Sadie, Married Lady" in Funny Girl ages ago. So when Willie suggested the name to me so I could sign off with something other than 'Unnamed' (the name I gave myself for the short term when starting this blog), even if it turned out to be just temporary until I'd chosen a name for myself, I thought it was a good idea.

I still think it's a good idea, as you have already guessed.  I feel as close to being a 'Sadie' as I can, without it being my real name, if that makes any sense.  LOL  Anyway, it seems to suit me.

I hope you enjoyed Babs' singing!

A Spanking and Grooming......Two For The Price Of One

Nothing too deep or profound to share today, just something that was a bit of a new experience and left such a nice impression on me.  This morning I received an affirmation/maintenance spanking.   J warmed me up with his hand, and then pulled out the hairbrush -- something he's used only a couple of times before.  In fact, I'd kind of forgotten about it and thought he did, too.  I was secretly glad that he'd thought of it.

I know this photo is tiny, but I don't know how to make it bigger.

While over his knee, he told me he would like me to answer his questions with "You, Sir".


Who protects you?

You, Sir.

Who loves you?

You, Sir.

Who is in charge?

You, Sir.

Who makes the final decisions?

You, Sir.


I thought about how I felt when I called J "Sir".  I wanted it to come from my heart, and it did.  I recalled how, not too long ago, when I'd brought up the subject, (about a year or two ago), of how some women call their HOH's "Sir" at certain times, J had said he didn't think it was all that important to him.  I wasn't sure how I felt about it.  I wondered if I could ever do so seriously, and mean it.  I admit I wanted him to require it of me at times.  He's done this only one or two other times, and I wasn't sure if he was serious about it.  It felt a little odd, but I wasn't opposed to it.

J doesn't always ask me to address him this way.  What I'm discovering is that when he does, he is serious.  He likes it when I call him "Sir".  He likes the respect.  He deserves the respect -- my respect.

After J was finished spanking me, and while I was still over his knee, he began brushing my hair.  He commented on the dual purpose of the hairbrush, which made me smile.  It felt so soothing and comforting as he brushed my hair.

My, how he's changed.  My, how we've both changed  :)

Embracing Change

Well, I didn't expect it would happen so quickly, but I've got a name for my blog, and it should appear sometime this week.  I'm not changing my URL, so I think all you'll need to do is change the name in your blogroll, if you have me there.  I sure hope it's a smooth transition!

Just wanted to give you the heads up.

Oh, and I've got a name, too.  I'm sticking with Sadie -- just seems to fit  :)  I've already changed it in my settings.

Authenticity in Blogland.....How Real Can We Be? Part 2

The Flip Side

I think it's important to address another aspect of being authentic in Blogland.  As with real life, any time we share our authentic selves with others, we open ourselves up to possible criticism.  We understand that this is the risk we take.  This criticism can result from being misunderstood or judged.  Sometimes we are criticized by folks who are jealous.  It can come from a variety of reasons, but come, it does, at one time or another.

So far, I've been fortunate and have not received any negative comments here.  Of course, I only just started two months ago, so I realize the possibility is out there.  And, as I shared in my last post, and from the comments I received, the more genuine and transparent we choose to be, the greater the risk of being criticized.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not all that good when it comes to criticism.  Let's face it, it doesn't feel good.  It hurts.  Yet, I've been encouraged and inspired by what I read here by others who have dealt with this. What I've come away with is that the benefits from being authentic here far outweigh the risks.

I'd love to know what you all think.  Have you experienced criticism, and, if so, how have you handled it?

The next post on this topic will be the last, and the one in which I share a bit of what J and I have been dealing with here at home.  I will be as authentic as possible while exercising discretion and discernment so as not to compromise our family's identity, for obvious reasons.  A tricky thing sometimes, and definitely a delicate balance to strike.

Authenticity in Blogland.....How Real Can We Be? Part 1

Funny thing how timing works sometimes.  I've had this post on my mind for at least a month, and now that I'm ready to post it, it is right on the heels of something that is going on in my life that I've struggled with how to share here.

Before I do that, though, I'd like to delve a bit into what it means to be authentic.  Being authentic means being our 'real' selves, which includes our values, opinions, and convictions, the essence of who we are.  In real life, depending on the nature of the relationships we have, people know our names, history, experiences, beliefs, etc.  It goes without saying that the closer we are to someone and to the degree with which we are willing to share personal information with them, the more they will know about us and vice versa.  We make the choice of what to share with whom based on a variety of factors.

Here in Blogland, it's different, naturally, by virtue of the anonymity we have chosen to adopt, given the personal and sensitive nature of TTWD.  People can have a hard enough time being authentic in real life, let alone on the blogs.  Here we are anonymous, so we might think it's safe to say anything because no one knows who we really are.  Yet we are real people in real life relationships and marriages, and the essence of who we are comes through if we are being honest with ourselves and others.  So even though you have no idea who my husband J is, for instance, it is important to me that I portray him accurately and that you know how much I love and respect him.  

We need to exercise good judgment, use discretion, and carefully guard our identities, yet still find a way to adequately express our thoughts, feelings, and experiences.  A delicate balance and challenge, at that.  Some bloggers may share more details than others about certain experiences, and that's fine.  Others may choose to leave personal details out while still being able to convey the gist of the situation and, most importantly, the lesson(s) learned.  It's up to each of us to decide how much information we wish to divulge.  

Many of us have found it hard to share the mistakes we and/or our HOH's have made.  At times I've felt hindered by the fact that you don't know me...that you only know a part of me here.  You can't hear the inflection/tone in my voice, see the expression on my face, or see the way I am with my family and friends....so I've worried that in the absence of that, wrong assumptions or judgments could be made.    We feel badly when we mess up, do things we shouldn't do, disobey or disrespect our husbands, and worse......hurt them.  It's uncomfortable for us to talk about, but if we don't, how will we learn and grow?

If we share only the good and not the bad and the ugly, we rob ourselves of the opportunity to let others support, encourage, and help us.  We also rob others of the opportunity to be of help to us. It's much easier to be on the giving end than the receiving end, isn't it?  It requires humility and vulnerability, which often takes us out of our comfort zone.  

I can't tell you how blessed I've been when I've come across some posts where the bloggers have been brave enough to take the risk of sharing their struggles and the outpouring of understanding, support, and encouragement they receive.  It makes me less afraid to venture out of my comfort zone when I need to share my own struggles.

If we're willing to take the risk of being real about our situations, thoughts, and emotions, we, too, can know the blessing of being accepted, understood, and encouraged.  We'll learn that we're not alone.  We'll learn how helpful it is to hear others' perspectives.

And we'll realize that we are all works in progress, every one of us.

For Clara

This post is for my friend, Clara, per her request, and I can't think of a better way to start the New Year  :)




Another great thought provoking post, Sadie.  (May I suggest lighthearted fluffy bunnies for the next one, lol?)

Happy New Year,
Clara

Oh, before I go, J wanted me to show you the other Christmas gift he made for me..........

and the flip side

I got my first spanking (good girl) of the New Year with it this morning.  As he was spanking me, J declared 2014 the Year of Submission.

And back to reality it is........

Hope this post put a lighthearted smile on your face and in your heart, Clara!