tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3878891820269114501.post7837862447199172773..comments2021-02-17T08:14:05.611-05:00Comments on Sadie's Secret : When It Doesn't Feel GoodSadiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13515398597364090414noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3878891820269114501.post-58612662089128834072014-01-28T16:54:29.663-05:002014-01-28T16:54:29.663-05:00Hi Kenzie! Thanks so much for stopping by and com...Hi Kenzie! Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting.<br /><br />I'm glad to say that Kane and I are (finally -- as in just this afternoon) working our way through this and back to each other.<br /><br />I popped on over to your blog (I wasn't aware of it until you commented here) and did some reading, too. I'm looking forward to getting to know you, better!<br /><br />Hugs,<br />SadieSadiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13515398597364090414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3878891820269114501.post-69271591333887398782014-01-28T16:50:23.309-05:002014-01-28T16:50:23.309-05:00Oh, George, let's get something straight -- fi...Oh, George, let's get something straight -- first things first -- Never ever apologize for the length of a comment! I actually had been thinking of you after I posted and was hoping I'd hear from you.<br /><br />I can't tell you enough how much your words mean and how big a help they are, and not just to me, as evidenced above by Terps' comment :)<br /><br />Sometimes hearing a man's perspective from a man other than my man is soooo helpful -- really.<br /><br />"I appear to her to be clueless why she is reacting in such a manner, which she immediatley interprets as an insult; as if I am intentionally ignoring all her "non-verbal" communication. I unwisely opine that she is overeacting, which only escalates her irritation! Sound familiar?"<br /><br />Oh, good Lord. I didn't realize you were in the car with us...LOL. Absolutely. You hit the nail on the head.<br /><br />Kane and I are slowly working our way back to each other. He told me he wants to read my blog post, and I know he'll be really blessed by the comments here.<br /><br />Thanks so much.<br /><br />Hugs & Blessings to both you and Nina,<br />Sadie<br /><br />Sadiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13515398597364090414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3878891820269114501.post-82589372288542305462014-01-28T13:10:28.701-05:002014-01-28T13:10:28.701-05:00George I just wanted to say thank-you for your com...George I just wanted to say thank-you for your comment...as I read it...something clicked...my husband told me once "if ever I say or do anything that hurt your feelings...I didn't mean it" and I know it is true...but I am started to understand more and more the differences in how we communicate... :-) Terpsichorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13704408254742966076noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3878891820269114501.post-50935223669813140392014-01-27T16:18:42.188-05:002014-01-27T16:18:42.188-05:00Hi! I just came across your blog and have read a f...Hi! I just came across your blog and have read a few entries. I can relate to a lot of stuff you write, and am looking forward to reading more from you.<br /><br />I'm sorry you guys are so stressed. TTWD can become such a nightmare during those times, can't it? I think a little space might be a good thing. Both take some time, and then regroup and talk about it. I hope it's all resolved soon. :)Kenziehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16300931055285711554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3878891820269114501.post-51610890229662363952014-01-27T12:42:35.740-05:002014-01-27T12:42:35.740-05:00Hi Sadie, for what it is worth, Nina and I have be...Hi Sadie, for what it is worth, Nina and I have been married for 38 years and what you wrote was something that still happens to us not too infrequently. I read your post at least three times and it was like "yep, been there and done that". <br /><br />It has been my observation that tone, body language, vocal inflections and such are much more noticed by Nina (and all women) than I (and all men). So sometimes I say stuff, and get a very unexpected reaction from her (like upset, angry, hurt). <br /><br />I appear to her to be clueless why she is reacting in such a manner, which she immediatley interprets as an insult; as if I am intentionally ignoring all her "non-verbal" communication. I unwisely opine that she is overeacting, which only escalates her irritation! Sound familiar? <br /><br />Not to make excuses, but guys just are not intuitive communicators, nor mental multi-taskers. Which is the reason when you speak to us, we almost always say, what? <br /><br />In order to communicate, we have to stop our current thought (if we happen to have had one at all at that moment) and re-focus on the new thought! Es May is very wise to make certain she gets a postive affirmation to any communication. <br /><br />I understand Kane's feelings. Whenever Nina attempts to "explain" it to me, I react the same way. The thing that helps prevent such situations is to always assume positive intent. <br /><br />In other words, when Nina says something that excites my child (as per transactual analysis) I pause and before I react I choose the implication with the most positive meaning (i.e. she wasn't implying anything negative towards me). It seems to help because I don't get upset, which in turn prevents her being upset with me for (in her estimation) no good reason. (hope that made sense)<br /><br />Ironically, it is those we most care about and have an intimate relation with (moreso emotional than physical) that we get upset with because they are the very one's who we believe should know us and understand us best in all situations. When the inevitable mis-communication occurs, we then start to imagine (incorrectly) deeper problems exist. <br /><br />Relationships are fret with pot holes and speed bumps. When they do happen somebody has to step up and talk about the trip down that bumpy road to get things back on the smooth pavement. <br /><br />My guess is that Kane is hesitant to bring it up for two reasons. 1) he dosen't really understand what he needs to say and 2) that talking would result in getting upset with each other again. <br /><br />Trust me, if he reacts like I do, he is just as sorry as you are and would love to get things back on the smooth highway and have a pleasant journey with the one he loves the most in this world! With Nina's and I, sometimes all it takes is a great big silent hug to get things back on course.<br /><br />Sorry for the long expose, but I really did identify with you guys and the words just came out, and out, and out! <br /><br />Hugs and Blessings,<br />George<br /><br /> georgekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04808346980888237908noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3878891820269114501.post-32093792251348176932014-01-26T18:57:13.468-05:002014-01-26T18:57:13.468-05:00Hi Dana, thank you for visiting my blog and leavin...Hi Dana, thank you for visiting my blog and leaving a comment.<br /><br />"Sometimes you gotta let the dust settle."<br /><br />That's how I feel.<br /><br />Hugs,<br />Sadie<br />p.s. I just found your blog. Looking forward to reading your posts and getting to know you better :)Sadiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13515398597364090414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3878891820269114501.post-57535323672517484262014-01-26T18:53:35.921-05:002014-01-26T18:53:35.921-05:00Thanks, Janey. You could be right, but I honestly...Thanks, Janey. You could be right, but I honestly don't feel I'm being stubborn this time (heck, maybe I am and it's a blind spot). I really think it's up to Kane to make the first move. <br /><br />He actually did order me to bed last night, while I was watching TV. I did as I was told. Today was a continuation of yesterday, with no attempt at discussing what happened.<br /><br />As for holding me and sorting it all out.....I'd have to say both 'yes' and 'no', depending on his frame of mind. He gets upset when I don't see his point of view (understandable, as I am the same way), and if we're involved in a spanking, he spanks harder because of it, because he feels I'm being stubborn. So I'm hesitant to want him to address this because I don't know if it will have a good outcome, and if it doesn't, we'll both be even more upset. Yuck.....what a sticky situation, eh?<br /><br />Hugs,<br />SadieSadiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13515398597364090414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3878891820269114501.post-23482608658069973642014-01-26T18:43:05.352-05:002014-01-26T18:43:05.352-05:00Thanks, Sara. That's what I'm thinking. ...Thanks, Sara. That's what I'm thinking. I also feel it's up to Kane to initiate the resolve, whatever that may involve. <br /><br />Hugs,<br />SadieSadiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13515398597364090414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3878891820269114501.post-28954043891912405542014-01-26T18:40:29.597-05:002014-01-26T18:40:29.597-05:00Thank you, Terps :)Thank you, Terps :)Sadiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13515398597364090414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3878891820269114501.post-10688477019885446472014-01-26T18:38:59.234-05:002014-01-26T18:38:59.234-05:00Thank you, Es May. I know that eventually we will...Thank you, Es May. I know that eventually we will find our way. Usually we do a lot sooner. This time it's different for both of us, because, as I said, Kane has chosen not to bring it up since it happened, and I find myself preferring to stay in this place I'm in, at least for a little while.<br /><br />You're right about there being other ways than spankings to foster submission. Kane and I have talked about that on many occasions, mostly as a result of my bringing it to his attention. I've told him I want those things. <br /><br />Kane knows what he needs to do to take the lead. If he comes to me wanting to talk about this, I will, but I just don't feel it's incumbent upon me to initiate it. I honestly don't think it's a matter of being stubborn (although I can certainly be that way at times).<br /><br />Hugs,<br />Sadie Sadiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13515398597364090414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3878891820269114501.post-8872090518362768922014-01-26T18:28:09.926-05:002014-01-26T18:28:09.926-05:00I don't mind the questions, Willie. Just not ...I don't mind the questions, Willie. Just not sure if I know exactly what you mean. With regard to the 'eggshell' comment, did you mean I might have been thinking I was the one walking on eggshells?<br /><br />"I am asking these questions because over the past few years I have begun to recognize in *myself* that sometimes when I am in that emotional forest, and I can't see the darn trees, I find faults in others that I actually realize I dislike in myself. No you haven't mentioned that so much with Kane in this post, but the reach isn't that great. Maybe you are taking offense to his words because you feel, subconsciously,that he might be right." <br /><br />I don't disagree that, by virtue of our humanity, we are all vulnerable to this, myself included. I don't believe I feared what he said was true, but rather I felt hurt that he might think I didn't extend my friends the same ear/heart/understanding...call it what you will...that they offer me when we talk about what's going on in our lives. I did feel the need to defend myself.<br /><br />I realize that he was looking out for me in that he didn't want me to get too caught up in the stress of our situation, and I can appreciate that, but it felt to me that he was saying I did not know enough about give and take conversations. It was to that I took offense.<br /><br />As for talking about how we feel, I feel it's up to him to start the ball rolling. I just feel differently this time. I'm not saying it's right, but I almost feel like I don't care if we talk about it or not. I'm not up for a big argument if he tries to insist he's right and won't understand my perspective. He's very much aware of the elephant in the room, and has thrown himself into his woodworking projects. The fact that he took himself downstairs to his man cave for hours after I arrived home Friday night told me he wasn't willing to address it further.<br /><br />We'll get around to it eventually. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate it.<br /><br />Love,<br />SadieSadiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13515398597364090414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3878891820269114501.post-82223504626801653172014-01-26T14:07:12.098-05:002014-01-26T14:07:12.098-05:00Ahh Sadie.. I know the feeling.. The Man and I h...Ahh Sadie.. I know the feeling.. The Man and I had something very similar. I chose the path you took, and quietly removed myself to the living room. I was shocked and a bit hurt at what felt like a personal attack and I didn't like it. You guys will find a way to talk about it. Sometimes you gotta let the dust settle.Danahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13148756931282483079noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3878891820269114501.post-51398783942597169442014-01-26T12:41:40.235-05:002014-01-26T12:41:40.235-05:00When you can sit down calmly and think it all thro...When you can sit down calmly and think it all through these things are usually so small really. Tiny things but we allow them to grow and become huge and then, if you are like me you become stubborn and will refuse to make the first move at making it good again. Don't you secretly wish that he would come and order you to bed, hold you and sort it all out, whatever that takes? I do when things get like this, But .... I stupidly rarely if ever make that first move.<br />Good luck xAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3878891820269114501.post-91674328219003987382014-01-26T09:52:49.035-05:002014-01-26T09:52:49.035-05:00You are both under so much stress right now. It...You are both under so much stress right now. It's easy to misread each other<br />and feel attacked, you and him. Maybe it's best that you are both taking a day or<br />so to think about things.<br /><br />Hugs<br />saraAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3878891820269114501.post-26335100224235024772014-01-26T09:05:18.505-05:002014-01-26T09:05:18.505-05:00Hi Sadie,
I am sorry that you are feeling so tired...Hi Sadie,<br />I am sorry that you are feeling so tired right now. I am sure, as you said, the two of you will work through this. Like anything, it may take time. Sometimes I feel my husband and I speak different languages and we do not understand. This can get us into similar scenarios as you described, but the love we have for each other always brings us back eventually. I am sure yours will too. :-) I hope happiness for your children, too. Your story is inspirational and hope the children who need help get all that they need. It sounds like you are a wonderful advocate for them. HugsTerpsichorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13704408254742966076noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3878891820269114501.post-17648794418782923012014-01-26T09:01:57.844-05:002014-01-26T09:01:57.844-05:00The Duke and I have done this, I've told him s...The Duke and I have done this, I've told him something, he has answered, and then he does not remember the conversation at all. It has hurt me in the past, but now I know to double check with him when I don't get much of a response. It saves a lot of hurt feelings later. I hope you guys can find your own way to avoid these hurts too. {{{hugs}}}<br /><br />I find that submission is not only built in spankings. If I am feeling a complete disconnect from submission, I often need the Duke to do a few other things to foster that in me, so don't feel bad if you don't feel a spanking would work right now. There are many ways for an HOH to take the lead, and each one helps foster that submissive side in us. :)<br /><br />I hope you guys have a chance to sit down soon and really talk, and really listen to each other. I think it will help a lot. <br /><br />{{{hugs}}} EsMayEsMayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06331562552269848546noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3878891820269114501.post-13849709240950961092014-01-26T01:45:03.930-05:002014-01-26T01:45:03.930-05:00Hey You.
Well I have no advice, merely questions ...Hey You.<br /><br />Well I have no advice, merely questions base on what I have discovered about myself so bear with me because this may not resonate with you in the least~ <br />Do you think the original statement from Kane, which started this ball rolling, affected you so much because deep down inside you fear there may be some truth to it? ( BTW...have talked to you, not my experience, merely a question). Do you think that maybe the 'egg shell' comment hit home because you yourself had already been feeling the same way, only you had him in mind as the culprit? I am asking these questions because over the past few years I have begun to recognize in *myself* that sometimes when I am in that emotional forest, and I can't see the darn trees, I find faults in others that I actually realize I dislike in myself. No you haven't mentioned that so much with Kane in this post, but the reach isn't that great. Maybe you are taking offense to his words because you feel, subconsciously,that he might be right. <br />Whether just he sees it or you see it or he worries about it or you worry about it, it sucks either way. Now the thing is to talk about how you both FEEL. Because perception, whether accurate or not is something the other sees and ultimately feels. Some how everyone not only has to get on the same page, but the same IN the same sentence. And begin writing the rest of the story together, because this ending?....LOL.<br /><br />I know you can do it, if you haven't already. Heck the fact that you have written a post about it means you are working your way towards a resolution in your heart.<br />love williewilliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01907855123777628267noreply@blogger.com