Can Pain Be My Friend?

I was talking with a blogger friend last night about the effectiveness of a really sore bottom after a good, hard spanking.  We both don't like what it takes to get there, yet we like feeling the soreness a day or two (or even three) afterward.  She had had an especially hard maintenance and was feeling it the next day, which she liked.  I thought back wistfully to those times (I can count them on one hand) that my bottom was so sore, just getting in the car was very painful, yet............you guessed it............I loved it.  And that made me think I was very strange.

I haven't had that kind of spanking in a LONG time.....those kinds for me have always been punishments.  Kane has learned how to spank me gradually during maintenance, which has lessened bruising significantly.  My friend and I talked about that, too, and how we even like having bruises on our butts.  I remember some really pretty shades of purple.  They always bothered Kane, though.  He hated to see them.  It bothered him to know he'd caused them, even though I told him I was fine with them.  Heck, I would pull a hand mirror out of my bathroom closet several times a day to admire his handiwork.

At the very least, my friend and I agreed that it was the ever-present reminder that kept us feeling in that soft, submissive place.

I know I could ask Kane for an extra dose of heavy-handedness, but that would most likely mean that he would use the wooden paddle he made, which he 'affectionately' refers to as 'The Black Hand'.  I can't tolerate too many of those.  I guess I could ask him to use his hand at full-force strength.  Gulp.  

Alas, I am a big weanie when it comes to pain.  Oh, the connundrum.....sigh........

Back From the Beyond

I wanted to entitle this "Back From the Great Beyond", and then wondered if the "Great Beyond" meant the afterlife, in which case, if it did, I certainly haven't been there.  I've been more in a place called Limbo.  Kane and I are fine; we still have a lot to be grateful for.  It's just that, well, we've had so much to deal with and so many tough decisions to consider.  I can't believe I've been away for as long as I have.  It was not my intention.  I kept thinking I'd be back, so I didn't want to write a "Taking a Break" kind of post.  Every time I thought about it, though, I started feeling increasingly guilty for suddenly disappearing without a trace or explanation.

Not sure what else to say.  We're now on our 3rd attorney.  Things with the 2nd child are looking hopeful and good, and that makes us feel so good inside.  Things with the 1st child do not, and well.......

So what am I saying?  I kept thinking, "I don't have anything meaningful to write about Kane's and my dd life right now.  That aspect of our life is going pretty well.....we did boot camp last month, and it was a really good experience for both of us.  I'm just not sure what I have to offer to the community here right now, but I'm not ready to let you all go.  Maybe you won't mind if I leave a comment here or there on your blogs?  I do want to stay connected, if even in a small way.

If you've emailed me and I haven't responded, please accept my sincere apology.  I'm just now getting to the place where I can do that.

So will you forgive me for going off the radar of the Blogosphere without a word?  I've still been thinking of you all and have read your blogs when I can.

Life goes on, doesn't it?  And that's a good thing.  Kane will be having knee surgery next month.  And so it goes.  At least his knee won't hurt him anymore after he recovers.

I've got a lot of catching up to do.  I hope everything is going well for all of you.  Blondie, I read your blog the other night, and my thoughts and prayers are with you and Ty.

God bless you guys, and thanks for letting me express myself here.